Archive for September, 2009

MULE READING LIST

September 30, 2009

Amigos. If you want to learn more about mules, these are the ancient scriptures you must follow by candlelight. And no, I will not read them to you at beddy byes.

Without further adieu, here are some of my favourite books!

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This book is pretty much mules for dummies. It is even written in dumbed down English so that even the most inbred of stable boys can understand it.

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A manifesto written by the leader of the Mule Rights Movement. It is so convincing, if you read this you will want to become a furry. So don’t read it.

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What is behind the mule? Hay? Fireworks? A ghost? Read this book and you will find out. The bit about race and class is a typo.

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FURRIES=WTF???

September 29, 2009

You can learn some strange things here on the internets, amigos. Today I regrettably discovered the world of furries.

Furries are humans who wish they were animals. Because their sucky DNA won’t let them be the real thing, they have to resort to dressing up in stupid animal costumes. Then they go to freaky parties where everyone pretends they are in the wild. Creepy.furries

This kind of attire is okay if you work at a theme park. Outside the gates, it’s just plain creepy.


FRANCIS THE TALKING MULE

September 28, 2009

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In the 1950’s, Francis was the biggest mule star in Hollywood. He starred in 7 movies including ‘Francis Goes to the Races’, ‘Francis Covers the Big Town’, and ‘Francis Wipes Out the Communists’. OK, I made the last one up.

In each movie, Francis played the role of a tough army mule. He was pretty much the Rambo of his time.


I WANT ONE OF THESE…

September 27, 2009

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Forget about The Oscars, amigos. The Razzies is the numero uno awards show, having awarded some of the greatest movies of all time, including ‘Battlefield Earth’, ‘The Love Guru’, and ‘Catwoman’.

Hopefully, I’ll one day join the ranks of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Rob Schneider and Ben Affleck by winning a ‘best actor’ razzie.

CLICK HERE to find out more about the greatest awards show on the planet!


THE ALF GRAND FINAL

September 26, 2009

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Today I am going to watch the grand final of my new favourite sport, ALF. I’m so glad they brought this guy back, even if they are going to spend the day kicking him around a field. I hope they pay him a lot of cats for his time.

Go ALF!!!

VAN DAMME FRIDAY!!!

September 25, 2009

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“In an action film you act in the action. If it’s a dramatic film you act in the drama.” – Jean-Claude Van Damme

HINNY HONEYZ: PAULA DE LA ROSA

September 24, 2009

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Paula de la Rosa is a famous Peruvian actress. She is well known for her fiery temperament and nut allergy. She is also very hot. Call me, Paula!!!

MY GURU

September 23, 2009

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Gary Busey is like a human Pez dispenser. But instead of dishing out crappy little candies, his mouth dispenses some of the most profound insights into life itself.

I salute you, Guru Busey!!!

PERUVIAN TECHNO DJS

September 22, 2009

Peru is famous for its techno. We Peruvians have bass pumping through our veins. Here are some of my favourite albums.

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DJ BADAZZ: ALMA DEL PERU

DJ Badazz was one of the pioneers of the Peruvian techno scene. On this album he plays the cowbell at 130bpm.

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DJ CHABUCA GRANDA: LA VOZ DEL PERU

Peru’s first muchacha of techno. Her beat making is furious like a ravenous coyote. If you listen to this album backwards your mind will explode.

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DJ PERU: SPOONRAKER

DJ Peru makes beats out of spoons. How or why he does it, nobody knows. But it sure sounds good!

KARATE CAT

September 21, 2009

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Bubbles are no match for this cat’s kung fu kick!