What, you’re supposed to pay for the internets???
Amigos, I have just received an internet bill for a crazy amount of pesos. And because I spent all of my savings on my George Clooney nose job, I am afraid I cannot pay it.
So amigos, this is Raul signing out. It has been a blast being your hero for the last 2 months.
It is time for me to disappear quietly into the night like The Predator. Or I could go out with a bang.
Adios!
I am typing this with a torch under my chin for dramatic effect. Is it working???
It is Halloweenie tonight which means you can dress up as a mule and freak out your neighbours in exchange for candy. Sweet deal, huh?
Just look at how terrifying this mule costume is…
Me? I am going to dress up as Fran Drescher from The Nanny.
Happy Halloweenie, muchachos!
Van Damme doesn’t just make mind punching action movies, you know. A couple years back he made an art-house film called ‘JCVD’ (that’s his name, duh).
Not sure how I feel about this movie. There’s a whole lot of talking and not a lot of snake punching. In fact, there are NO snake punching scenes!
Let me outline the plot for you. Some lameo criminals rob a bank and take JCVD hostage. Then everyone thinks JCVD robbed the bank. I find this hard to believe, because if it really was JCVD he would disarm them in a millisecond and then get on to a real adventure… One with jungles and time travel and awesome dance sequences…
Why he made this I do not know. But because it stars JCVD it’s still better than 99% of movies out there.
If mules are the coolest animal on the planet, then why do the toys based on them suck lemons?
Use the scrolly thing to move down and get ready to shake your head in disappointment!
What’s going on here? The mule is stranded on a hideous cart going nowhere. To make it even more degrading, he has a bell on his tail. And ask me what’s going on around his neck. I’ve had more fun with paper cuts.
Rating:
0/5
This mule toy would be alright if he wasn’t attached to a creepy clown and had a jetpack strapped to his back. But he doesn’t, so it’s another failure for mule toy kind.
Ration
0/5
Yes, I am aware that this is donkey from Shrek. Who is a donkey. But when mule toys suck as bad as the above two, for now we’ll have to take what we can get. At least he has a styling mullet.
2/5
Hopefully one day they will make a mule transformer slash Godzilla action figure! But until then I will have to be content playing with my cousin Raymon’s mind.
Being a sensitive new age mule, sometimes I think the internets can be a little harsh. Take my stream of life, for example. Some days I want to eat the orange off the screen, other days it fills me with almost-anger.
I could see a doctor about this. But why bother when the internets has the solution?
Cornify lets you make any page on the internets friendlier by adding to it horses with sharp looking rods busting out of their heads. I know that doesn’t sound calming but check them out, don’t they look cute?
Cornify your life!!! I mean, internets!!!
…Or as I like to call it, Star Wars chopped into tiny little nerdy pieces!
15 second pieces to be exacto. Which is perfect for my non-existant attention spanner.
So who is making this? Georgio Lucaz? No, it’s the good people of the interweb – call it web 2.whatever, they’re all chipping in to recreate the first movie, ‘Star Wars: The First Adventure in Space’. (I think that’s what it’s called).
Watch the trailer, and get involved! But don’t expect me to – no pesos, no Raul!!! Capeesh???
Check out this clip from an episode of Muffin the Mule, a kids’ show from the 50s. To be honest amigos, I never really liked this show. I always thought Muffin was a puppet of a studio that put words into his mouth and made him do humiliating dances.
CLICK HERE to read more about Muffin here.
How freaking hot are these hairstyles, amigos? I need to get this stylist to work on my mullet. Take a closer look HERE.
This is like a dream come true, amigos – Van Damme has opened up a school. I searched the curriculum for karate, gymnastics, and sexy dance classes, but I couldn’t find them. I guess he doesn’t want to give any of his genius for free.
Kick ass class is in session!!! Enrol here. http://www.vandammeacademy.com
